Kickstart Your Superpower
As a psychotherapist I read people and get to understand the person they are in their wider universe beyond the session, sensing not just what they say, but how they are. In training this sense my number one concern was whether what I sense is my misguided projection or if it is a valid understanding of the person in front of me. Eventually I can see both my projections and how our interaction brings out different aspects of a person.
Whether you’re reading your boss, co-worker, or partner to understand in order to understand them beyond the surface there is always that concern on how reliable your reading maybe beyond the personal biases. This is where we need to get real and recognize some core vulnerabilities and emotions behind the tensions we feel when this person is concerned.
Observe Other’s and Your Cues
This is a step further than the usual choice of words, posture and movements. Here what I am highlighting is to pay attention to the energy of it all. How do you recognize an energy in the environment? Read on…
- Does Your Breathing Change?
We need to have some awareness of our regular inhale and exhale patterns to recognize whether and how it changes in different situations. Considering the role of our breath in regulating our heartbeat, body and mood functions it is something to take note of.
- Notice Posture
One way of recognizing others’ breathing patterns is to observe their postures. Actually you do not even have to see them in person to observe this most of the time. Observe the car driving in front of you in traffic next time. Are they confident? Or are they driving indecisively or cower? Do they swagger and boast on the road, sign of a big ego?
- Watch For Intensity and Use of Space
Beyond a person’s crossed arms and obvious nail biting do you notice their rhythm and use of space? These two functions, intensely used by dancers, leave the impact they do on their audience also because of their universal meaning as well as the dancers’ mastery of control of their body. A person may be skilled in hiding their deep grief behind big wide gestures but the intensity or lightness in their frequency and landing is telling.
Trust to Your Intuition
After the observations into our and the others’ state, we learn to honour the ability of our subconscious to put it all together in a way that our conscious mind cannot.
1.The anxiety, tension and discomfort
Many people tell me about this constant sense of discomfort and tension whenever they do any breathing exercise or check to feel their breathing patterns. My first guess is usually that these people are extra sensitive and has never been made aware of it.
Still even in this state of palpable general tension one can become aware of the variations in its intensity. What is your first impression when you meet someone? Do they remind you of someone?
Yes while you may be projecting qualities and memories you had with another person on to this new person and it still does not mean you are not accurate about your perception about their motivations and feelings in the moment.
2. Watch for the “a-ha” feeling
Do you know the feeling you get when you finally remember what you forgot? We get the same sensation once an inspiration hits us and we need to be vigilant to note these moments. This is not only to catch the specific insight but to be aware of the circumstances that work best for us to instigate similar ones in the future.
3.Remember to give yourself credit
Remember how you are feeling tension in your body because you are likely very sensitive to energy of your environment? Well we all can feel if a room is happy or a sad news is recently shared, when we enter. In the same token we can feel when someone is hurting emotionally and physically in their body, sometimes as if it is happening in our body.
We are not always aware of this because we feel it in our body as if they are our own emotions. In time, as you pay attention to your breathing patterns and your states of being from inside out you will recognize the small variation of your feelings from others.
As usual practice makes perfect and it takes a very short amount of time to start sensing things that would feel super natural to us.